ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
I'm not sure if the world of the professional artist is for me after all.
For all the art I've created in my life, I don't see myself as having a brand or a focus for my work. To put it plainly, I've frequeny told myself I wanted to make art for a living, and others have told me I should be doing it for a living, but I've never determined what that really means.
I'm sitting at a convention right now. The stock on my table is sparse (practically naked), of course, because I didn't really know what to focus on, and my funds were limited. Now I regret what I have. I regret going through the trouble. Even if I sell everything, (yeah right), I won't feel fulfilled because I brought stuff that I picked at random without any feeling of passion toward my product.
I'm never going to stop drawing, but I'm already wishing I'd just stayed home. Engaging with people is something I struggle to do. Picking one thing to focus on is something I struggle to do.
I really think I've wasted the best years of my life trying to be something I'm not. I may have some artistic skill but that is literally all I have. I don't have what it takes to make a living at this. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.
For all the art I've created in my life, I don't see myself as having a brand or a focus for my work. To put it plainly, I've frequeny told myself I wanted to make art for a living, and others have told me I should be doing it for a living, but I've never determined what that really means.
I'm sitting at a convention right now. The stock on my table is sparse (practically naked), of course, because I didn't really know what to focus on, and my funds were limited. Now I regret what I have. I regret going through the trouble. Even if I sell everything, (yeah right), I won't feel fulfilled because I brought stuff that I picked at random without any feeling of passion toward my product.
I'm never going to stop drawing, but I'm already wishing I'd just stayed home. Engaging with people is something I struggle to do. Picking one thing to focus on is something I struggle to do.
I really think I've wasted the best years of my life trying to be something I'm not. I may have some artistic skill but that is literally all I have. I don't have what it takes to make a living at this. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Updates and Stuff: December 2021
I'm just spending most of my creative time working on the Jet Dancer game as always. I feel like the project is really starting to come together. I have more levels finished than needing to be finished, but the project still needs a lot of polish. I decided to take a step back from most social media since the middle of last month, and it's really been helping me clear my head. I find myself less interested in drawing for the sake of drawing and more interested in getting this game project done, both so I can say I actually made a video game and also because I have tons of other ideas I want to act on. I've learned the value of doing things one step at a time, but I've been working on the Jet game for way too long. I'm sure whatever 'fame' the character had has long since faded thanks to my feet dragging, but I've come too far to just give up. It's not that I haven't been drawing, but I haven't seen much point in finishing too many random pinups or posting the ones I did finish. Just
Updates and Stuff - December 2020
It's been a while since I've done this. I was just thinking that I used to write journals much more often back in the day. I don't necessarily have a ton of things to ramble on about, it's pretty much the same old same old for me, but I'd like to get back into the habit of writing about what's going on with me and my work on a regular basis. As my watchers and friends are no doubt aware, I've largely left my regular drawing work to the side to focus on making a game based on my WEAPON Combat League concept. I know a lot of my watchers would have preferred to see something else. I actually believe some people who follow me don't really understand why that concept seems to be number one in my mind while characters like Jet Dancer came from the same head. I can't really say why either. I just know that WCL is something I found fun and comfortable to develop. I've designed countless characters, but the cast of WCL is one that just seemed to work with my style not just of drawing, but of
RPB Sprites...
I really enjoy making sprite builds out of my characters. I'm starting to be more interested in improving and mastering this than I am in building actual games. Maybe that's a problem, but it's fun right now. I want to make sprites out of these characters next:
Rest in Power, Gary Pope
I just found out one of my best online friends passed away. Gary *hulkdaddyg (https://www.deviantart.com/hulkdaddyg) was a hell of a guy, one of the hardest working artists I'd ever known. We never met in real life, but we've been friends for ages. We talked a lot both publicly and privately about character designs, storytelling, nerd stuff and the like, and I felt we always had this mutual respect for each others' art. He was one of the few who didn't hold back when I needed critique and I don't think anyone has ever given me as much fan art. He just seemed to be a wonderful people person who always wanted to do for others. His online galleries are filled to the brim with com
© 2015 - 2024 Dualmask
Comments33
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
"but all of it is in the name of doing what I love"....
People from time to time ask me if I do commissions. I always decline because I don't care to take money from people to do characters I may not be crazy about doing and people who pay for commissions deserve someone fully engaged in doing the work. Frankly, that is not me, so i always decline for my own peace of mind and reduced stress. In fact, I have huge respect for those that do commission work and do it well. This was something I realized only by trying it.
Maybe this event and your questioning it is not really a time to feel like you "wasted the best years of your life", but actually a step forward to understanding how this artistic thing "fits" in your life.
Lastly, the best years of your life can always be the ones to come.
People from time to time ask me if I do commissions. I always decline because I don't care to take money from people to do characters I may not be crazy about doing and people who pay for commissions deserve someone fully engaged in doing the work. Frankly, that is not me, so i always decline for my own peace of mind and reduced stress. In fact, I have huge respect for those that do commission work and do it well. This was something I realized only by trying it.
Maybe this event and your questioning it is not really a time to feel like you "wasted the best years of your life", but actually a step forward to understanding how this artistic thing "fits" in your life.
Lastly, the best years of your life can always be the ones to come.