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May 15, 2011
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Christiana Page 1 by Dualmask Christiana Page 1 by Dualmask
So here's the story. This past Friday, I was starting to feel really blocked, like I couldn't get any art out of myself. Aside from my current commissions, I wasn't feeling like drawing at all. I was so down that I was considering writing a huge journal talking about how I was going to put art aside for good and focus on writing.

Then I cleared my head and said wait a minute...time to stop planning things and trying to make ideas happen. Ever since I was a kid, everything I ever managed to finish was something that I made up as I went along. They have a word for creators like that: pantsters, or people who create by the seat of their pants. But for the last several years, I've been trying to be a plotter, trying to meticulously piece everything together. Thus I had the longest streak of incomplete stuff. I went and bought a 12 oz. can of Red Bull, downed it and decided to stop thinking about it. This and the two pages that follow, were the result.

I have absolutely no plan in mind for this story. I made up the whole thing as I went along. I even drew it out of order (I actually drew the second page first, then the third page, and this first page came last). It's not done. I'm going to find some way to finish it though. I'm just going to keep going with the flow. Make a panel layout and just fit in there whatever feels right (I've already started page four--seems it might flow into a plan now). Because this is the most intense drawing I've done in a long time and it feels good.

Christiana © Jonathan Price

Second page:
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:iconmosobot64:
Friendly internet robot Mosobot64 here, and I'm here with a comic by :icondualmask:. It's the first page of a three-page comic, but I'd rather critique it as its own entity.

Essentially, this is penciled, and as it hypothetically would be handed off to an inker, its important to be clear about what you want the inker to do. In this respect, I'm pleased with the piece. I have a clear idea about how to render the shadows in this piece. This isn't the problem.

I do have a few problems with this page, and I will list them summarilly.
1) In panel 1, I should be able to tell what our protagonist is talking to. It seems worm-like, but I can't make out anything else about the entity because our protagonist's behind is too front and centre and taking up too much of the panel. With a different choice of framing, you would be able to show clearly what she's talking to while still being able to show that she is in a compromised position.

2) Panel 2, the close-up is a little too close-up, too fast. I'd rather see the heroine's whole face, so that I can better see her expression as she remembers the demons that have taken so much from her. This may be a bit nit-picky of me, though.

3)In panel 4, the perspective may be a little off. That said, I have two things to say here. To be fair: 1) My perspective is the WORST, and I don't want to come off as a hypocrite. 2) Some artistic liscense MAY have been taken here to give her a more open pose.

My suggestion is to perhaps polish up this idea. Awesome defender chick with a scythe is a great idea, but only if the emphasis is on the heroine's PERSONALITY, not her body!

Now, a few closing thoughts.

I can pull a lot of comics off the shelf showing female protagonists wearing the most revealing clothing and set in the most AWFUL T&A showing poses the artists and editors can possibly get away with. I CANNOT pull a lot of comics off the shelf showing female protagonists being awesome and just ever so slightly beautiful while kicking the kind of A that would make most men blush. I can find a few, but not nearly as many.

So, in the event that you flesh this out into a full series pitch, and bring it to an editor and they actually like it, just keep that in mind.

-Mosobot64
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmosobot64:
mosobot64 Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Student General Artist
My suggestion is, flesh out the idea. Your rendering is pretty tight, but I'd to see more ass-kicking, and less boobs.
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:icondualmask:
Dualmask Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks, but, with all due respect, if you're going to critique, critique the quality of the work itself, not the content. I do appreciate the detailed critique you gave me, don't get me wrong. I'm fully open to discussion on anatomy, proportions, composition, dialogue...everything technical. But if I decided this wouldn't be an 'ass-kicking' comic at all and would be all about boobs, that would be fine.
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:iconmosobot64:
mosobot64 Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Student General Artist
The reason I say this is that if I thought the comic was ALL T+A, then I wouldn't bother commenting at all. But I'm attempting to mention, that, as you have a female protagonist and I happen to be a female comic reader (Trying to become a female comic maker), I would find it awesome if she kicked a lot of tail with that scythe.

Just sayin'. No offense intended.
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:icondualmask:
Dualmask Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Yeah, I figured that. It's cool. It's just that it bothers me when people go attacking artists who choose to focus on art with sex appeal or even sexual content...it's not wrong because people should be free to draw whatever they want, and you (speaking generally) always have the option to not look. I say 'let the market decide'. The fact that I did attract a female viewer (you're not the first but you are the minority, I think) means I must have done something right...now if everyone who came to look was saying bad things (or if no one was coming at all) that would compel me to try something different. I don't want to alienate anyone but I also know it's impossible to please everyone, so I might as well do what I like. :nod:
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:iconmosobot64:
mosobot64 Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Student General Artist
Fair enough, guy. I wouldnt ask you to do different, just to examine what you're doing.

And yeah, there is definately some cool stuff, here. You might be able to work with the female audience. ;)
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:iconrandommode:
Randommode Featured By Owner May 20, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
:headbang: Extremeeeeeeeeee! lol it was cool
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:icondualmask:
Dualmask Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks Mike, I appreciate you checking it out.
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:iconwbd:
wbd Featured By Owner May 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, so far, so good. I think that the intensity of your mood certainly has been conveyed in this page. There's lots of energetic poses and panels. The first panel is especially effective.
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:icondualmask:
Dualmask Featured By Owner May 18, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks! I actually drew this page after the second and third ones, sequentially, when it occurred to me that the top of Page 2 wasn't a suitable beginning (when I say I had no plan, I mean I REALLY had no plan). It came together quite nicely, I think.
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:iconjonkin:
JonKin Featured By Owner May 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm impressed Dual, by not only your skill at page layouts, but for the fact that you decided to actually do something. I encourage you to keep making strides in your endevors, bro. You should post these on your Facebook page if you haven't done so.
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